Wow, what is going on? Shoppers fighting over toilet paper (tp) in stores, SUVs packed to the roof with tp, and one family ordering more than $3,000 worth of toilet paper, enough for years! The only comparable example of panic buying in response to COVID-19 is for guns.
Manufacturers say there is no shortage of tp or guns. Guns kind of make sense though; who knows when you are going to have to shoot a marauding zombie or neighbor trying to steal your tp? But, tp? It is being manufactured and shipped to stores 24/7 – take a chill pill people! COVID-19 is a respiratory infection not intestinal.
But, tp is an interesting topic to contemplate. Americans use more than 7 billion rolls per year, about 23.6 rolls per person! This is about 50% more than any other country and is partially the result of efficient flushing toilets. Got to move that soiled paper down the line.
The first recorded use of paper for hygiene comes from China in the 6th century A.D. The Japanese used wooden devices called chugi which kind of looked like a tongue depressor, no doubt hard on hemorrhoids!
Romans used communal sponges attached to a stick and dipped in vinegar. A sponge on a stick and vinegar, ok, but communal? And, during the days of outhouses, I’ve heard my long deceased relatives speak of corncobs and the Sears and Roebuck catalog as acceptable means of keeping ones backside clean, or near so. I’m betting the corncob was more efficient.
Did you know there are two kinds of manufacturing processes for toilet paper? One specific to the use of chipped wood as the base source and the other using recycled paper. Regardless of the base material, trees are involved as wood pulp in the manufacture of paper and toxic chemicals are produced (e.g. dioxin and bisphenol A). Entire farmed forests are sacrificed and millions of gallons of toxic water produced just to keep your behind clean and fresh!
And, toilet paper is engineered! The fiber length must be just right to ensure sturdiness during the cleaning process, not fun when your finger pokes through, and rapid breakdown once flushed into the sewer system. Chipped wood, 70% hardwood and 30% soft wood, is reduced to a pulp slurry in pressure cookers with toxic chemicals from which the velvety soft paper you crave is produced. Who knew? Tp can come as 1 to 6 ply. No doubt, the 6 ply is reserved for billionaires. I’ve certainly never seen it.
Toilet paper has recreational uses too! Often you see trees adorned with seemingly miles of streaming toilet paper and a bemused parent directing kids in the cleanup. Cats and toddlers get endless pleasure from unspooling a roll onto the floor.
Tp as a fashion statement – absolutely. Many an adolescent girl has stuffed her bra with tp. And, musical entertainment; how many times have you seen the commercial with the family of bears singing a catchy tune about the attributes of a leading brand? Several times a day I bet now that you are all home fending off the coronavirus.
How many of you have used the cardboard spindle which the tp is spooled around as a “tadatadaaaa” megaphone? That may be the only musical instrument I’ve ever successfully carried a tune on.
Today’s tp comes in colors, embossed patterns, and scented; a decorator item no less. Much more aesthetically pleasing than the old corncob. Tp certainly adds to a favorable first impression of a home.
Tp as a source of never ending debate; do you put it on the dispenser unspooling over the top or underneath? An anger flash point, men have you ever been taken to task by woman for leaving the toilet lid up or the tp dispenser empty? Embarrassing!
Tp is also the hub of a international industry involving not only those who make the Tp, but also those hard working men and women who produce the packaging, ship it around the world, grow the trees, keep the toilets flushing, deal with the toxic chemicals left over, and on and on. There is money in those humble rolls of paper!
So, the next time you pull off a handful of toilet paper, give some thought to the forests that are gone, the engineering miracle you are going to wipe your butt with, the beautiful young lady whose prom dress now fits better, the musical instrument that is the prize at the end of the roll, and all the jobs you are supporting. Enjoy the wipe!